Where Are the Parents?

Some may say I am too involved in my daughter's life and know too much about her and her friends. My daughter shares almost everything with me and her friends tend to be more open when they're around me. I seem interested in their lives and it shows by their willingness to share things around me and with me that they wouldn't normally share with their parents. While I think it is good that they have this relationship with a grown-up, it makes me wonder why they don't have a relationship like that with their own parents.

I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned in my thinking. I believe parents have a few simple, basic goals when they give birth to a child: provide food, housing and clothing and provide the tools to become a productive and good citizen of the world. Most parents seem to be doing okay with the first one, even if they struggle a bit here and there, but the second one seems to be seriously lacking.

In order to be a productive adult you need to know how to survive. That includes knowing how to do housework, how to do your laundry, how to cook, how to make and keep friends and significant others, and how to work. That means kids need to do chores and be guided in making decisions and dealing with other people.

Many of my daughter's friends don't have to do chores at home. They rub my daughter's face in it too. I tell her not to worry too much about it. When it is time to be out on their own they will be the ones calling to find out how to do things and stuggling with them; she'll be just doing them and moving on to more fun things. But I feel bad for these kids. They really are not being prepared for life as an adult.

They are also not being taught how to deal with social situations. One of my daughter's friends was going to dump her boyfriend by leaving an instant message for him while he was offline. I told her straight off that was just unacceptable behavior. She tried to back pedal but it was too late. I was seriously appalled. Heck, having a friend tell the guy would have been better! But it made me wonder where are her parents? Why are they not telling her this sort of thing isn't acceptable?

I was talking to some friends about this the other day. One was a teacher in the high school and she said she saw this sort of thing all the time. Kids are just not being given the tools they need to survive as adults. While I know I have a unique relationship with these kids and are more involved in their lives because of it, I don't think it should be considered unique. This is something that all parents should be doing: being involved in their kid's life and knowing what is going on.