10 Secrets of Great Moms: Part 2

Recently I got a newsletter from WebMD with some parenting articles that they thought I might be interested in. The first was an item from Redbook called “10 Secrets of Great Moms” (published April 11, 2008). The author basically got advice from 10 moms on a variety of topics from bringing baby home to sleeping to feelings to homework. I thought it might be fun to share my advice on the same topics.

Help Homework Happen
The mom from the article said she sets up homework stations for her kids and has them do it as soon as they get home from school then stays nearby to help if needed. She commented that the routine makes it a lot easier.

I like the homework stations thing if you have more than one to keep their papers and stuff from getting mixed together. That’s a great idea if you have room. For me, I only have one so anywhere she wants to plop down and do it (other than her bedroom where I can’t see her) works for me. Thankfully for the last three years she’s been going to an afterschool program where they make the kids do their homework while there, or at least try to get through most of it. She admits it makes getting it done a lot easier.

I disagree, however, about making them do it as soon as they get home. Kids need down time when they get out of school. The principal at my daughter’s middle school has always stressed the importance of having a bit of time to relax before having to get in the school frame of mind. This advice convinced the afterschool program where my daughter goes to change their schedule so that the kids have 20 minutes for snack and chatting before the homework time starts. It has made a huge difference for the kids in the program.

For my daughter, before she was in this afterschool program and when she doesn’t go, the schedule is that she gets to have a half hour of down time for snack and TV or computer, then it is homework time. This is true if she goes home or comes to my office. Once it’s done she is free to do whatever she wants. Knowing that this is the way it is going to be makes it so much easier for her to get it done and I don’t have to worry about it.

Routines
Homework is not the only place routine will make a difference. If you define what the routines are and make sure you follow-through then compliance will be easier, over time, and make for less stress for everyone. Also make it clear that unless there is some really special reason there will be no deviation from the routine.

It is never too late to start! It might not be as easy when they’re 12 as it would have been when they were 8 or 9 but if you stick with it you’ll find your success. It will be a lot of work but the benefits will make it well worth it. Make sure you define what is expected and put it in writing somewhere that everyone can see it so no one can forget. This works for household rules and chores too.

But the earlier you start the better. Even toddlers and preschoolers can be included in routines – including homework. If you have school-aged kids and younger ones who don’t have homework, you can have the younger ones use the same time to color or do some pages in a workbook. This also makes it so the older ones don’t feel like they’re missing out on all the fun.

I truly believe kids thrive on schedules. They like knowing what is expected of them and when, even when they’re teens. It makes dealing with everything else life throws at them easier when they don’t have to worry about when to get up, when to be outside to catch the bus, when their classes are, when to do homework and chores, etc. My daughter and her friends, who are 12-16 years old, are always complaining about how much more complicated that day was if there was a special assembly or other deviation in their regular school schedule. It throws everything off for them.

The occasional change, though, is good for them so they learn how to cope with it before they’re adults. Things rarely run like clockwork so being able to deal with unexpected changes or deviations in their schedule is an important skill to have. How you deal with changes also will affect how they deal with similar situations. If you’re calm and relaxed, they’ll learn to be that way too.